by Emily Knoe
Study of an oyster, Emily Knoe While reading the news today, I found myself reacting to a tragedy as if it happened right before my eyes. This is not new. This happens frequently. I cannot count how many times a day I come extremely close to breaking down in tears. I cannot count how many times I stop and pray for strangers, or thank God for a stranger in the news who did not succumb to their injuries in some tragedy. I become so shaken when reading the news, that I often have to stand up and leave the area. I will go make a hot tea, or take a quick walk around the building.
Inevitably, I will ruminate on how harsh the world is, on how I cannot take much more of these feelings, on how I will need to simply STOP reading the news, as if that would make it all disappear. Today, during one such excursion from my desk, I reflected on how I am often perceived. I am seen as cold and indifferent, a robot, with no feelings. Most people never learn how sensitive I truly am (which displays even physically, through panic attacks and a reactive tachycardia). I simply CANNOT dwell in my sensitivity, or I will fall into a pit of despair and depression, and therefore, most passive acquaintances are not even aware of it.
Then I realized . . . I am an oyster. I have an extremely hard shell (that I grew myself, thank you very much) and it protects my extremely sensitive insides. When a piece of the gritty world somehow makes it past my shell, I will work on that grit until it becomes a beautiful pearl of wisdom, of truth. This is how I MUST deal with the grit, as I cannot simply push it out. I must absorb the grit and make it a part of myself, until I am done cultivating it into something with beauty and meaning.
Sometimes these pearls become art; sometimes they begat conversations.
I have realized today, that I should not lament the hard shell. I believe God has led me to create this hard shell, because without it, I would not be able to retain my sensitive insides. Without my sensitive insides, I would not be able to form the pearl.
Today’s pearl . . . I am an oyster.
Then I realized . . . I am an oyster. I have an extremely hard shell (that I grew myself, thank you very much) and it protects my extremely sensitive insides. When a piece of the gritty world somehow makes it past my shell, I will work on that grit until it becomes a beautiful pearl of wisdom, of truth. This is how I MUST deal with the grit, as I cannot simply push it out. I must absorb the grit and make it a part of myself, until I am done cultivating it into something with beauty and meaning.
Sometimes these pearls become art; sometimes they begat conversations.
I have realized today, that I should not lament the hard shell. I believe God has led me to create this hard shell, because without it, I would not be able to retain my sensitive insides. Without my sensitive insides, I would not be able to form the pearl.
Today’s pearl . . . I am an oyster.
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